I am a compulsive gambler... I have to admit I am. I lost almost all my monthly salary due to gambling. I missed most of my time with my friends, my girlfriend and my family. I started to lie to people on where I spent my money on to and one contemplated on suicide because my gambling debts are beginning to grow and I don't know how to pay them up. My family is starting to be affected on this that I started to borrowing money or asking from my mom. I need help.
It all started when about 5 years ago that one of my friends invited me to play super6 on one of the casinos in Malate, Manila. I won a huge amount that night and we would go back there whenever we have the opportunity. But I saw myself going there on my own and would play. I sometimes win and sometimes lose. Then I realize that this may turn to an addiction. Good thing about it, Malate is not really near our place and it would be an effort to go there, and the temptation is not that strong because teh casino is not strategically located.
After A few years, I got an invite on my facebook account to play zynga Poker with one of my friends. Since I know a few card games which are popular in the Philippines like pusoy dos and tongits., I tried it just to kill time and kill my boredom. I didn't see any harm on the playing the game that the players use play money and opportunity to play with people across the planet. After a month of playing online. I got hired in one of the call centers in Ortigas as part of the operations support group. In one of my dates with my girlfriend, I passed by the Metro Card Club in Metrowalk. I parked my car at the back of Metrowalk and saw the poker room and told myself I will try it just for fun when I have the opportunity. Then I started do some research on the place and found out that they have impressive facilities there.
One night after work, I drove by the place to play Texas Hold'em for real. I lost P500 that night and I lost them because of inexperience and bad luck or course. I think after a month, I tried to play again and I won P3k. I would then play once a week every weekends for about an hour or 2. I would do it after I drop off my girl who is living near Ortigas. It started out a hobby that turns to twice a week to almost everyday to everyday. One time I spent almost 2 days of playing one time without eating or taking a bath or sleeping. Sometimes I go back to the office without sleep that I was too tired to do my job.
Whenever I lost I would tell stories to my girlfriend that I dropped my money where and other stories but at that time I usually win. Things got out of control by the end of October 2009, I lost almost all my salary on one day. after 2 weeks I played again and again and after a series of bad beats and bad luck, I continued to play and bet more. I even got up to a higher table hoping to win all my money back but i went to more problems. I even lied to my girl about my wherabouts and the reason why I have no money even to take her out for a decent meal. I used to be fun and go to rock parties and concert but since I started to play poker, I never went back to meet my rocker friends. I would always be alone on a poker room with strangers and acquaintances that I know by playing poker for a long time. Then I began to feel sorry for myself and got more irritated whenever money is being talked about. I started t contemplate on suicide because many people are starting to be affected by this and usually screaming to myself inside my car while driving and think to end it all up.
I know that my case is not as serious as the others because I haven't stolen anything in order for me to play nor lost a real deal of money. My debts are getting deeper that I am starting to get depressed on how can I pay for them and thought if i would play, i might be able to pay them all. It just didn't happen. Since November I got more loses than winnings. I don't bother to count them all but I know it is a lot.
The sad thing about living in the Philippines, there are no support groups or government institutions that may help overcome this addiction. If there is, I am not aware of them. Whenever I play, I would usually hear from other players that they are down with much bigger amount of money than I had and longer loosing streak than I have. Maybe we are not as good poker players compared to the fortnate ones who would usually win because statistically speaking, in gambling, many people needs t loose for a few to win. I know these people needs help as much as I need it. They maybe too proud to admit it. I am not an expert but this maybe because of the Filipino machismo mentality.
As I was saying, here in the Philippines there is no decent gambling awareness programs or support groups that I know. And I wish someone would come forward and maybe we can discuss this and probably help each other on loop that we maybe having. Sadly, I am not ready to admit to my family and girlfriend. I only have a few trusted friends that I shared my gambling addiction openly and I know would understand my current situation.
I read some articles and a few videos in youtube that gambling addiction is kinda hard be cured with this neurological disease especially if you are alone so I am reaching out to other people who have the same problem as I have that you can stay anonymous and discuss a few things about our issues. We are not alone and we can get over this.
I would put more blogs about gambling in the future...
God Bless!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
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